"The Rapist" x 2

     Story 1:  As you may know I’m finishing up an internship at a Physical Therapy Clinic in Washington.  (This isn’t funny, but you need a little back story to understand where I’m coming from.)  Since I’m going to school for PT assisting I have to do this 6 week internship this summer.  Of course it’s full time and of course I don’t get paid. (8 days left and I’m done!  Wooohoo!)  This means I’m still doing all of my regular “single mom gotta make money” jobs.  So I’m working 70-80 hours a week.  Because I still have to take care of my kiddos and my house most of my days start at 5am and end between midnight and 2am, do the math…3-5 hours of sleep a night.  Not good.  I’m not bragging, many other people have to do the same thing and probably a lot longer than 6 weeks too.   All I’m saying is I’m mad tired, which excuses anything dumb I’ve done. 

I don’t think I’ve ever been truly embarrassed about anything in my life… until this morning.  I went to work and stood at the counter where the daily schedules are laying out.  The clinic I work at has several Physical Therapists so there are 5 teams consisting of a PT, a PT Assistant and an Aide.  I’m on the orange team.  I look over everyone’s schedules when I notice something crazy.  I stare at one of the schedules and decide that another team must be playing a joke on another, got in the computer system and labeled their schedule “THERAPISTS”.  I’m guessing you read this correctly, but how I saw it, in my sleep deprived, near passing out condition, was “THE RAPISTS”.  I stand there and I am really surprised by this.  A PT from a different team walks up to the counter, a PT that I haven’t even spoken with yet during my internship   and I say, “did you see this??!!”  He looked for a moment and says, “ohhh, yeah, they don’t have a very busy schedule today.”  I said, “NO! Look! Someone put THE RAPISTS on there!!” (I pointed at the word for him since clearly he was blind or something.)  He said, “Therapists?”  I looked for a moment then it hit me.  I’m immediately hysterical.  I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.  He looked at me like it was some kind of joke and said, “ARE YOU SERIOUS??”  I laughed harder, cried more and ran off down a hallway and around a corner to hide basically.  After about a full minute I walk back out.  He is still standing there.  The second he saw me he yelled out, “ARE YOU SERIOUS??”  This makes me laugh /cry all over again.  I looked like a complete ass in front of this dude!  Everybody got a laugh out of this and made sure to remind me of it all day long.  A fellow student on internship walked by, pretended he was paging somebody on the PA system, “the rapist room 2, the rapist to room 2.”  I’m an idiot.

     Story 2:  This story has a back story as well.  One I won’t go to into great detail with.  Long story short, there is a sex offender in my neighborhood.  I have known this for years and made my kids aware of it and up to this point he has stayed to himself.  Within the past month he has been messing around my neighbor’s house.  The next house on my road.  To the extent that he was arrested and held for a week on stalking charges (scary, sure).  So I have stepped up my game.  A month ago I would have told you I’m a badass and if somebody ever tried to come at me or my kids I would eff their day up.  This is true, but this dude is a lot bigger than me so if I’m being realistic I should probably realize that while I would gouge eyes, kick nuts and break him off with a mean throatpunch, I’ll still probably lose the fight in the end.  If you know me you are going to give me credit for even admitting this, cause you know… I gotta be a tough guy all the time.  So I talk to everybody I know and come up with a great plan of action.  First I head to my dads house.  I tell him we are going gun shopping.  My step brother Caleb tells me he has a 380 that would be good for me and takes me out to shoot it.  I’ve never fired a gun.  Well, except a BB gun, which hardly qualifies and also does NOT stop a raccoon.  But that’s another story in itself.  But I did alright with the shooting.  Caleb got out a paper plate and drew a target on it, which I never hit, but I did hit the plate every time…from uhhhh 20 feet away.  At this point I proudly declare that I’m going to try out for “Top Shot ~ Point Blank”.  The point blank edition of this show doesn’t exist yet, but I’m positive I’m a shoe in.  Also, I find out that I love shooting guns and can’t wait to go shoot bigger and better ones!  Guns are awesome and I’ve only tried the little bitch gun!  Can you imagine how much fun I could have with a big boy gun?!?  Somebody mentioned to me that if I shoot the dude he has to be actually INSIDE my house or I could get in trouble.  OHAHAHA!…silly people.  If there is a pervert on my porch or anywhere on my property I will most definitely be shooting him with a quickness.  My dad warned me that if I kill the guy I might have a hard time dealing with the feelings I’d have afterwards.  I disagree, this dude should have already been killed in my opinion.  (I know my dad agrees, he’s just looking out for me) But I didn’t stop with just a gun.  I bought motion detecting flood lights for the outside of the house and of course made sure the house is on lockdown.  I also got these awesome pull string alarms which are kind of like fire crackers that you can tie to windows or doors and they make an 80 decibel popping sound when moved.  I have an air horn and now sleep with my car keys to set off my car alarm if somebody comes in the house.  I have notified neighbors to keep their eyes open and call the po-po if my car alarm goes off.  I also heard that wasp and hornet spray is better than mace and shoots up to 27 feet, best believe I stocked up on that.  I also ordered a stun gun.  This perv has given me a reason to waste money on a stun gun!  I can’t wait to get this in the mail and stun my friends.  I’m a good friend.  On top of all these things I want to reiterate that I am not scared and I am definitely going to put up a crazy type “small girl” fight if anybody tries to roll up on what’s mine.  Let this be a warning.  This has been cutting into my 3-5 hours of sleep a night so that’s a little irritating, but if I have to investigate every little sound and stare at my kids all night to ensure their safety then that’s what I’m going to do!