Even if I'm in a swimming pool, if I realize I'm the only person left, it's a mad dash to get out. I don't want to be in there by myself! You never know. I realize the odds of there being a shark in the pool aren't great, but if somebody had it out for me they could even throw a few piranhas in there. Which is even scarier, cause I could punch a shark away, but you're not punching a hungry school of piranhas off of you. My BFF, April, knows my fear and sent me this pic.
I really do wish Jimmy would stop making me watch all these educational programs. About as much as I wish he would stop farting by me. Or my milk for that matter. I mean c'mon. Milk is a sensitive thing. Nobody wants it if it isn't just right. If it's a little warm you pour it out. I feel like if you fart by it, it will go bad. It sounds reasonable. So why do people laugh when I start screaming that they have farted and curdled my milk? April called me the other day to see if I had caught the latest infomercial on TV. She said they are making blankets now that absorb the odor from a fart. It's called a marriage saver. I might buy it.
I hate when somebody I'm in the car with spits out the window. Spit and wind are very unpredictable. Once it leaves your mouth you have no control over it. What if that spit flies back in the car and lands on me?!? I'm not crazy. I have an example people! My Dad and brother were going to work one day and Josh spit a hawker out his window and it flew back in and landed on the inside of my Dad's sunglasses, so he was staring right at Josh's hawker! 1. Ewwww 2. Dad was pissed. If that ever happens to me, run.
Have you ever woke up and realized you slept on your face wrong? Sleeping with your ear bent in half. That crap hurts. It's only happened to me a couple times, but my ear hurt all day. I never knew cartilage was so sensitive. Now I always make sure my ear is flat when I go to bed. Talk of body parts reminds me of another problem. Sometimes I get sick, and when I do, I lose a bunch of weight. When I get down to 100 pounds people start thinking I have an eating disorder. Can't say I blame them, but I have recently thought out my plan of action. I will have t-shirts made! I'll order them to say things like: ~Crackpipe'n it! ~I poop a lot! ~Official tester-Ramen Noodle diet! If people are going to talk, you might as well do it up!
And while we are mentioning how I look I might as well share this story with you. My hubby, Jimmy, went out with his buddy one night. Jimmy tried to drop him off at home at the end of the night but he had drank to the passing out point. So Jimmy drove home and his friend stayed asleep in our car. I wake up to a knock on the door about 6am the next morning. It was his friend. I opened the door to let him in, and the guy looks at me and yells, "Damn, I thought I looked rough in the morning!" I laughed so hard, but what an idiot!
I happened across an interesting website the other day. It's a payback, revenge kind of site. Instead of sending flowers, it will send dead ones. It has stories and ideas of revenge. Some of them are just wrong, but some are great. Here's the link if you want to check it out. It'll provide some laughs. http://www.thepayback.com/revengestories.html
That's it for now...until next time! ~Jovial Jess
And while we are mentioning how I look I might as well share this story with you. My hubby, Jimmy, went out with his buddy one night. Jimmy tried to drop him off at home at the end of the night but he had drank to the passing out point. So Jimmy drove home and his friend stayed asleep in our car. I wake up to a knock on the door about 6am the next morning. It was his friend. I opened the door to let him in, and the guy looks at me and yells, "Damn, I thought I looked rough in the morning!" I laughed so hard, but what an idiot!
I happened across an interesting website the other day. It's a payback, revenge kind of site. Instead of sending flowers, it will send dead ones. It has stories and ideas of revenge. Some of them are just wrong, but some are great. Here's the link if you want to check it out. It'll provide some laughs. http://www.thepayback.com/revengestories.html
That's it for now...until next time! ~Jovial Jess
OMG, girlfriend, you are funny!!! If there's one thing I cannot stand is someone farting near my food!!!! Tim farts all the time in the kitchen and it pisses me off to no end. He has now contaminated my food! He just doesn't get it.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was younger never wanting to stay in the pool by myself after seeing Jaws...as if a giant shark was going to break through the bottom of the pool and eat me alive.
Glad to see I'm not the only one with crazy...yet reasonable...fears.
Perfectly reasonable fears!! And this farting business needs to be blown wide open! If we have to be considered indecisive and bitchy, why can't they at least claim to be ill mannered and gross!
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